It’s odd. Three months ago, when he served me with the divorce papers, I felt quite calm. He said: ‘You don’t seem very surprised’. I said: “No, you talked about divorce the other day. I’d have no reason to be surprised. It’s silly sitting here in silence, I’m going to make a vup of tea – do you want one?’ He didn’t
And that was it. Twenty years of marriage down the tubes and me making a cup of tea on hearing the news.
I suppose it was shock – or maybe denial – or maybe I just thought he was a depressed man acting in a very bizarre way. He had been depressed all year, asleep when he should be awake, Unable to sleep even on sleeping pills at night. Business plans and investments had all bottomed out. He had even sent me emails (we were in the same house but he preferred to send emails) telling me that he needed help with one business venture that was going belly up - and that he felt he was sinking into a swamp and needed to sort his mind out.
So possibly I thought the divorce thingy was an extension of that sort of thinking. Now, waaaaaay down the line, I realise it’e probably not – or if it is he needs to be sectioned. He insisted on telling our 16-year-old daughter when she was in the middle of taking her GCSEs, although she and her 18-year-ol brother had guessed that something dramatic had happened (since he was doing stuff on his own and giving me a wide berth.)
He hadn’t thought this divorce through at all. We’re both stuck in the same house since neither of us can afford to move out. We have a huge mortgage and are living off capital (at this point I confess ignorance of financial matters which were/are solely in his hands) and the grand plans which should have taken off and seen us into further wedded, well not exactly bliss but, future didn’t.
So all terribly awkward, Did I do anything to get on the wrong side of a wedding ring? Well, yes. I argued, I slapped him round the face, I sometimes drank too much wine but I never grated the children nor chased them with a hammer which his contention.
Since the divorce proceedings began I haven’t had a drop of alchol since he makes me sound like an alcoholic. I haven’t raised my voice because he makes me out to be a raving lunatic. I certainly haven’t argued: if he wants to tell me there are giraffes lying in the bath I’ll agree.
Perhaps I sound as if I’m making light of the situation. Maybe I am because the alternative’s too dark. There’s much I honestly don’t understand. He refuses to talk about anything nor try to help us out of this situation by either finding work or being pleasant, knowing that we’re stuck. I didn’t file for divorce – and hope that my solicitor would have explained the consequences of doing so.
It’s a sad and lonely place to be. And the one person you have so often confided in is now your opponenet. If this divorce doesn’t kill me, will it cripple me?
Posted by fonteyn 